A Day in Greenpoint, and Shoplifting From American Apparel: A Review

imageI am in Greenpoint, off Greenpoint Avenue, waiting to meet my girlfriend at Paulie Gee’s for dinner. Moonchild is meeting us too, and then we’ll go to that bar that has two for one drinks on Tuesdays, Matchless. Moonchild is moving out of New York because she wants to live with her boyfriend and she’s unemployed and can’t get a guarantor.

I went to Cafe Grumpy, and I kept thinking Lena Dunham was going to walk in. I saw a guy in a black down coat with the word Girls on the back of the collar and decided that was consolation enough. I didn’t want to get another coffee but I had been at Cafe Grumpy too long. There was a girl sitting across from me reading Tom Jones. I wanted to say, I read that. But I didn’t. I chose not to get a coffee because I am afraid of becoming a caffeine addict. So I went to Word, then I skated down Greenpoint Ave. to some bar at the end of the street.

There were two fat guys sitting at the bar with an open-faced hamburger and all of the food on the menu cost eight dollars. I asked the bartender if there was a happy hour and she said, “Hey hun, what can I do for you?” “Do you have happy hour?” “Happy hour startth at theven. We have fish tacoth for a dollar and a dollar off all drafth.” “But no happy hour now?” “No, thorry.”

So I left and skated up the street to a beer store with a fire-burning stove. The guy who works here asked me about my iPad keyboard, and then a dude with a papoose strapped to him walked in with his wife. She’s wearing clogs and eating candy from a jar next to the cash register. They can’t be more than thirty-two, a good child-bearing age.

Shoplifting From American Apparel, I enjoyed. But it was because of the style, not the content. I didn’t enjoy the content at all. It is about a writer who is full of himself and cycles through different women in a vain search for meaning, which ultimately is supposed to be life-affirming. The only parts of the plot I enjoyed were when he was arrested for doing as the title suggests.

But the bare bones style, parable-like, that I liked. The symbolism of a cell phone low on battery. This novella offers a new set of signs for our technological world. The only problem is that they’re still so new, they can be confusing. Like, a castle is an easier symbol to interpret than a Macbook. And that is why the novel often feels so devoid of meaning.

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April 24, 2013 · 12:17 am

Why I Like to Suffer

suffering I like to suffer. It is an antidote to illusion. Even when I am worrying, to remind myself that I am suffering and that eventually I will feel better, helps me deal. Am I crazy?

Let us recall the dominant paradigm– avoid suffering. After all, who wants to spend weeks in bed sick, in pain and discomfort? Who wants to be Down and Out in Paris and London? Who wants to have their heart broken?

But falling in love feels so good. It contains the facts of raw experience: capriciousness, discontinuity, and lack of control. This is opposed to the normalcy and boredom that come from staying in your comfort zone. Of course loving is also when you are the most vulnerable. Which is why it hurts so bad if you get your heart broken. But after you’ve gone through it, you emerge stronger. Don’t believe me?

Think of your best story. Surely it involved something unexpected, some kind of adventure. Possibly even your greatest suffering? You survived and want to tell people about it, both as a form of self-healing, and as caution to the youthful and inexperienced. Such conflicts are the subjects of most novels. The book you have yet to write probably involves some lesson or moral you learned through a clash of expectations and the unexpected.

If you still aren’t on my side, let me point out that the pain of suffering dulls over time. Each time you tell the story, it becomes more mythical. And in the hindsight of memory, all suffering is laughable.

Either you go through life not trusting anyone and never experiencing a thing, or you trust and get fucked and pass your stories on. Through suffering you will learn that life is very long– instead of casting eyes back on twenty effortless, changeless years at your office job, you will break life into eras and chapters. That was when I was with that girlfriend. Or that was when I worked there. When you think of life this way, it becomes easy to imagine yourself as someone who has overcome a variety of experience. Highs of pleasure and lows of pain.

When I told my grandma about this essay she scoffed. “You’re 24, what do you know about suffering? I’ve lost a child. That’s a ten on the scale. The most you’ve suffered is a three.”

“Ah, but Granny,” I replied, “My experience of missing my sweetly departed love is as intense to me as your lost child is to you. To me, it’s a ten.” Granny’s right though. My suffering is far removed from the physical agony of a broken bone, equidistant from the bland tedium of a rainy Sunday. These sufferings are based on different qualities. We are all capable of happiness and suffering– both Granny and I are capable of suffering a ten out of ten, although her suffering may be quantitatively deeper and broader, due to our differing subjective experience.

Our genes and our experience affect the quantity of our suffering. If my parents are depressive, chances are I will grow up prone to depression. Some people are capable of deeper suffering than others based on their genetic code (I’m probably more sensitive than most).

Take the Indian Untouchable, for example, who may be as predisposed to goodness and happiness as the average American stockbroker. Qualitatively, my suffering may be just as deep as the Untouchable’s, but quantitatively his may be deeper, or vice versa. Despite circumstantial differences between me and the Untouchable, we are both capable of having days of ten or days of one on the happiness scale.

We are quick to pity the Untouchable. But I surmise the American used to competition and materialism may find much in common with the Untouchable in terms of qualitative suffering. The latter, who has less chance at gain and profit, who is bound by duty to stay a street sweeper, is probably more easily satisfied than the American who lives in constant search for more. It is important to consider your own suffering both subjectively (quantitatively) and objectively (qualitatively).

Despite quality or quantity, we value suffering because it is innate to the human condition. Next time you see an opportunity for raw experience, you have the chance to embrace suffering, and turn that moment into a story.

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Moveable Cities

daniel ryan adlerThere are different ways to start a sentence. Just as there are different ways to live a life. For some time it was about the spires and minarets of temples on the sea, the ceramic tile of an ancient wall with bullet holes punched as a recent addition to thousand year old battle scars, white-haired men fishing on bridges; rickshaw runners and crumbling buildings; labyrinthine passageways with metal wares for sale; and cypresses and evergreens taking seasonal turns. Then I returned from the mountains and the cities, with memories of distant rivers, turbid and brown or milky and green, canals ringed with boats and fruit-bearing kiosks. Now I content myself on the warmth of a fire and the softness of a bed, Italian sparkling water bought for two dollars a bottle, and the sight of a ruby-throated hummingbird trilling sweetwater from the feeder with her tongue. Those muddy days of sea-salt and ancient castles silhouetted against the sky, cities of men long dead and famous with statues or monuments left in their name, that time will return, when this life of dishwashers and needlepoint reaches its course.

Look at yourself in the mirror and imagine sunken jowls where your soft jawbone curves; think about the depth of the lines on your forehead growing deeper; looking at your shiny hair and imagine it flat and white and imagine this face remembering and reflecting upon a life of missed opportunity and ended love. And think about all of the people you’ve ever seen and imagine them a hundred times over– for that is all of those you missed. And multiply them again by a hundred– that is the number who have live before you and felt the same desires and tediums you have lived. And know that your loneliness is like a vast desert city, with only the sun for protection and friendship. To be less alone, you have to cross a hundred miles of desert, two mountain ranges and a large lake they used to call a sea. You can stay in your mind to do this or you can travel by camel, or elephant, should you be so lucky. But remember that those others like you, the hundreds of sailors and tradesmen, the prostitutes and vendors, priests and kings, they have not left the mirror.

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2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 15,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 3 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

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An Update

danby, new yorkFor the past three months I have been writing in notebooks. I finished one this morning and I need to buy a new one, a black composition notebook with pages thick enough to use Precise pens on both sides. I find stickers to put on the covers of these notebooks  and wrap the stickers around their spines to distinguish one from another. My first notebook has a sticker that says, Trumansburg, New York and my next one, the one I shelved today has a sticker that says SHUT, which I like because when people see it they will think it’s a message for them to keep the notebook shut.

I live in a green Greek Revival-style house in Danby, New York, in the Finger Lakes Region which is part of a #DowntownDanbyRevival. Today is gray with intermittent rain from the beginning of Hurricane Sandy. At this time of year, many of the trees leaves have fallen, although seven miles down Danby Road, in Ithaca, it is warmer and there are still reds and oranges and yellows. I live at fifteen hundred feet with eighty acres out back and a rolling green lawn and brown hills beyond. It is a quiet life and I am happy because I work hard.

I have been very busy working on Zypshop, a mobile shopping strategy. There is more information about it on the Zypshop Facebook page (please like). I wrote the provisional patent and the business plan and soon you will be able to use it, soon. I have also been writing a story about Ithaca and I have read many good books during these months, such as Faust, Fathers and Sons, Ivanhoe, Money, Titus Andronicus, and The Garden of Eden. I am reading Finnegans Wake and Hunger now.

I have shaved and had a hair cut and all that travel is long ago now, etched into memory. It sits there golden and radiant and waiting for the day when I write about it again. And every day now is another part of another narrative.

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Daniel Adler and the Malaysian Police

daniel adlerWhen you go to a police station in a foreign country chances are no good will come of it. Your case will get bungled in foreign bureaucracy, or they assume you’ll leave the country in a few days or by next week. They write up their report and apologize, having done their job.

It started out promisingly enough, with three cops sitting in the courtyard. Daniel had asked Gema, who he’d kind of fallen in love with when he found out they had the same birthday, to help him file a police report against the Yakin Express Bus Co. He told the cops his story, and tried to elicit sympathy and provide all the details most people would find interesting , but which made him look slightly pathetic and naive. The one affirmation he received was when the young male cop took off his aviators and nodded after Daniel said, typically you don’t leave someone at a rest stop with all their stuff aboard the bus.

They drove to the station. Daniel sat in the back with the tundung-wearing female cop. He imagined himself the only cause for work these cops had seen in days. It started to pour torrentially. The old Indian cop sat with Daniel and asked him to relate his story, translating Daniel’s superfluous details into pidgin legalese.

He wrote how when Daniel had dealt with the Yakin Express Bus Co. in Kuala Lumpur they told him to come back in the evening and asked for money to give the driver for making the return from Penang. And when the bus did show up of course his laptop bag that he’d left on the seat was gone, and they’d blamed it on the bus passengers.

At 11 ‘o’ clock the chief arrived. The Indian cop put down his pen and stood. The chief asked what he was doing with Daniel and the Indian cop told him the story– “laptop” is translingual; the chief nodded and told him to proceed. Then they sat at a desk where another high-ranking cop who didn’t speak English turned the computer monitor and loosened the keyboard so Daniel could type up the story, fixing some of the pidgin. When he’d finished Daniel sat for a few minutes while the cops discussed. Soon he was handed a phone. A man who spoke good English told him that since he didn’t see who took the laptop there wasn’t much they could do. “It’s not like you have an idea of who took it, do you?” Daniel assumed the question was rhetorical and let a silence hang. “Do you?” Of course I don’t, he thought. It could have been the driver or one of the passengers or even that one-armed Indian at K.L. How would I know, I was stranded by the bastards. “No,” he said flatly.  The officer made closing proprietary statements Daniel knew he had to make. He wished the conversation over.

The Indian cop rehashed the same sentiments. Daniel imagined them settling back into an afternoon of protracted laziness and inertia once they dropped him off. Not that finding my laptop would be easy, Daniel thought, but these guys don’t look like they’re used to detective work. The young cop with the aviators was flirting with a skirted police officer behind the doorway. They enjoyed the benefits of a government job; this old Indian cop had long since wished for high-speed chases and bursts of adrenaline, was comfortable enough fulfilling his duty when duty called. “I’ve done all I can do,” he said as they stepped out of the car in the Red Roof Cabana Inn parking lot. Daniel shook his hand, said goodbye and waved at the other two, wondering if he should’ve shook with the aviator guy, as a token of appreciation for his early sympathy.

Later, over another delicious Georgetown lunch of watermelon juice and noodle soup with chicken and veggies, Aaron asked if he somehow felt free after having lost his last burden– his last possession of any worth or import in his life. He paused, momentarily regretting having lost 1500 photos and numerous unedited stories. Then he told him about how Hadley Hemingway lost Ernest’s juvenilia on the train to Geneva. “Yes,” he said. “I feel entirely free. Like I can start over, like I can begin a new era of my life.”

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The Good Gas Attendant

I went with one of the gas attendants on his bike into the jungle. I was slightly afraid– anything could happen and I was again being forced to blindly trust someone. We drove along the dirt path past a field of small potted palms watered by a sprinkler. We pulled out onto a road and on the straightaway he took it up to 50 kpm. I imagined taking a spill and trying to roll into the grass but then I remembered that this guy knows his roads– he does this every day. At a small house he killed the engine and we got off. He turned and smiled, “This my home.”

We walked into an open empty room which led to a kitchen. There were two doors on the right. We walked into the closer one. A man was sleeping on the floor in the breeze of a ceiling fan. My “friend” invited me to sit on his bed. He took a towel and said he’d return. I sat on the bed taking in the room. On the walls were old posters, two of the same, from the Shell station. They were masking taped crudely to the wall. Behind them were pencil drawings, probably done by children who used to live here. The floor was clean. His clothes hung in a nylon hamper. A small bookshelf had been turned on its side to hold toiletries. Rice, tomatoes and potatoes sat next to it. A razor hanged in a noose near the lightswitch. I glimpsed a kitten through the ajar door. The shower went off.

He came into the room with a towel around his waist. He put on a collared short-sleeved shirt first, took a pair of underwear from his dresser and put one foot then the other into the underwear and pinched them up to his waist through the towel. A Muslim with beard and no mustache a taqiyah and taupe robe entered and said something in a language I didn’t recognize. Then he left. My friend said, “Osama bin Laden.” We laughed. Everyone in the world knows Osama bin Laden. He applied deodorant, blue creme he rubbed through his jet-black mullet, shook his head to get his hair to fall naturally, took some pants out of the room to put them on, came back in and said, “Let’s go.”

Osama was sitting on a moped outside and my friend helped him before he pulled away. I saw the mother cat and two more kittens. I got on the bike, he started it and we drove down the road. Roosters clucked, nicer houses had tile driveways, and we swerved around speedbumps. We parked in front of a small station where two men waited. We crossed the tracks to buy tickets but the machine was broken and no one was at the counter. “You wanna smokey?”

“No thanks.” I kept thinking how much I’d have to tip him for taking me to the closest station. He had gotten off work a little early to help me. “Where are you from?”

“Bangladesh.”

“Dhaka?”

“Dhaka,” he smiled. He was a handsome young man with fine coffee brown skin, a prominent nose, and big eyes. He was tall, too, and I noticed that the tip of his left thumb was missing.

“You miss Dhaka?”

“Yes. I go home soon. I work here six years.”

“How old are you?”

“23.”

“Me too.”
“I work everyday.”

“Every day?”

“Every day. Two days off each month. First and fifteen.”

“Wow. Nine to five?”

“I start seven, finish five.”

“That’s a long day.” I imagined the monotony, the routine and lack of freedom, but how it was probably much better than living and working in Bangladesh. “What will you do back home?”

“Business. Mobile business.” I nodded. At least he had a dream. Of course he had a dream. No man would work ten hour days at a Shell station if he didn’t have something to look forward to.

“So you have savings?”

“I save 500 ringgit a month.” His eyes turned distant as he exhaled his cigarette.

“That’s pretty good.” $175 a month to take home to Bangladesh.

The train was late. It was supposed to come at 535. It was 541 and the next train was 601. The train came at 548. “Come on,” he said. Almost all the seats were taken. “Sit down,” he said. We were going away from Kuala Lumpur. In ten  minutes we got off. At the gate they were checking tickets. I was afraid I’d be fined. He said “Go behind” and I followed behind him. He took out four ringgit and nodded back at me when he gave it to the guard. I tried giving him two ringgit but he wouldn’t accept. Just add it to the tip total. “Where’s the bus?”

“Taxi,” he said. Great. Then he turned and walked back to the station under a sign that said “Bas Terminal.” “You want eat?” he said. “No. You?” “No.” At the terminal we went to the bus company’s office. They said go to K.L. He called his boss to tell him, then handed me the phone. He told me to go to Pudu Sentral. I thanked him and hung up. We walked to the end of the terminal where the K.L. buses were. He said, “I go home?”

“Sure, thank you for everything.” I fingered the remaining cash in my pocket, less than five bucks. I tried giving it to him. He shook his head. I insisted. He grabbed my arm, holding it away. I could see his resolve was stronger than mine. I looked into his eyes, touched his arm and said, “You’re a good man. Thank you.” We shook hands and he walked away and I was amazed and reminded that some people in this world are good.

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